Growing up can be a difficult challenge. A few years ago, you relied on your parents to make decisions about you. What to wear, what to eat, what music to listen to, whom you should be friends with or not. But now that you are older and trying to figure out who you are you find yourself in a position where you have to take responsibility for some of these decisions.
You probably relies that some of the choices that your parents made, although they were made with good intensions, do not really reflect who you are in the world. As you separate slowly from your parents’ guidance, you find that you are in need of a new compass in life. You are at an interesting and yet tremendously challenging stage of your life, the stage of identity formation. Who are you? What do you like? What music do you listen to? What fashion sense do you hold? Everything that is external to you (the clothes you wear, whether you are into tattoos or not or whether you like jazz, hip-hop, punk rock, or pop) is an attempt to express something about who you are. In a subliminal way pop culture and the media gently nudge into a particular direction.
If (pop culture and media) become your surrogate parents and play a huge role in forming your identity.
In a way, you now have two influences in your life that conflict with one another. Mom and dad want you to remain constant, ever sweet and worry about you. On the other hand, pop culture accelerates your development at a rate that your parents and sometimes you are not able to keep up with.
As you grow and separate from your parental compass, you find yourself having to make very difficult decision. What becomes clear to you is that the new identity that you are constructing can only exist in a social circle. We all know that without a social circle of peers one feels isolated and lonely. To some it may feel like social suicide. You soon release that these social circles have rules.
Rules on how to dress, the language you use (OMG, BFF etc.), and the kinds of music you listen to.
This is perfectly normal and fine and in fact is what you need for a healthy development. However, there are social circles that may present you with rules that conflict with what you believe in. In some social circles or peer groups you may be asked to do things that, you would not ordinarily consider doing. These things may be being introduced to alcohol at a teenage party or being offered a smoke.
You could be asked to help your peers cheat on a test at school. You are now at a crossroads. You have several questions going around your head. If I do this, then I will belong to this group. My social status will be elevated and I will suddenly become important and stop being invisible at school.
One of the dangers that you may fall into is not considering the pro and cons or advantages and disadvantages of offers like these.
Many of us will jump at it without a doubt. But here lies your biggest challenge “considering or thinking” about the impact of that choice for you.
If I smoke, I look cool, but I can develop serious medical problems in the long run,
plus my relationship with my parents’ changes because I now have to lie a lot and hide things from them. Peer circles that change you to cause harm to yourself and those that are close to you may be dangerous. When you are not certain what to do in situations like this, it may help talking to someone who is more knowledgeable and can give you some advice on what to do.
Remember that the world has 7 billion people in it and all are accommodated, whether they small or big in size, whether they like rock, pop or hip-hop, whether they have money of only a few pounds in their pocket or whether they are intelligent nerds or not gifted. If you do not fit in one social circle, simply find one that will help you in your development
